32 weeks pregnant now with Bryleigh Isabella Grace.
Jordan and I are together and excited about our new family that is going to start July 19th. :)

He is going into the air force in September and we'll be moving in together after he finishes basic (that will be the longest 8 weeks of my life, but I'll have Bryleigh with me).

 

I have dug myself into a hole in my life.
But this summer I am slowly starting to build my way out of it.

I will be working two jobs, to pay back my incredible amounts of credit card debt.
I'll be paying rent, and paying back my parents who have helped me to start building.
So... Movie Tavern and Best Buy here I come.
8.00 an hour isn't much, but a few nights a week of waiting tables will help.

This is my summer to spend on myself, fully figuring out this new me, and letting it shine.
I'll be working out and eating right for the first time since Sophomore year.
I'll be spending time with my friends, and rebuilding bridges that I nearly burnt down.

I haven't yet decided whether I will be at Ogle or TCC next semester, it's a big leap for me but I have faith that I'll make it somehow, either direction.

"When you come to the end of all the light you know,
and it is time to step into the darkness,
faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:
Either you will be given something solid to stand on
or you will be taught to fly"




I'm at the edge of the light, and I couldn't be more ready.
Wish me luck.

My heart hurts really bad in these past few days.
I hurt for the person that I used to love and be so close to.
I know him and I cannot be together in a romantic way, but not even having him as a friend anymore is tearing me apart. I feel like theres nothing I can do to get him to listen to me anymore.

Most of the good times I think about were a long time ago, since then it was mostly fighting with him.
But every now and again a random good time from just two months ago pops into my head and I have to wonder if the decision I made, the final decision, was right.
And I'm done wondering, I know it was, but I miss my friend.
My confidant, for a year and a half.
Is completely gone.
And with him a load of other people that I had grown so close to.
And because of some stupid code I'm not even supposed to hear from them ever again.

They hate me now too, so it doesn't even matter really, it just hurts even more.
He hates me because he assumes, because he doesn't know what's really going on.
I hate that.
But no matter what I say his head gets the best of him.


How can I fix this?
Help me, before I drown in all this confusion.

"I'm sinking slowly, so hurry hold me...
Your hand is all I have, to keep me hanging on."